Quit It! 5 Things to Quit For Your Mental Health's Sake

Let’s be honest…quitting gets a bad rap.  There is a perception that being a quitter is a bad thing. But I completely disagree!  So, let’s talk about a few thoughts and behaviors that I absolutely encourage you to quit and leave behind. Yes, I’m encouraging you to be a quitter. As we grow we are going to learn and realize that not everything that we are doing is good for us or serving us well.  Once you know better, you should do better, so let’s talk about what you need to quit doing.

In our society, we have a tendency to say things like “quitters never win” and “don’t be a quitter” which implies that quitting is all negative.  I have even been guilty of talking about the importance of “not quitting.”  Now, believe me, there is a time and a place for the “don’t quit” mentality, but through my years of living and through my work I’ve learned that there are so many things that we are doing that we definitely need to quit!  So, here are my top 5 things that I want you to quit RIGHT NOW!

Quit It!

Quit Doubting Yourself

This is a negative thought process that many people deal with that is keeping them from trying new things, moving forward, or doing anything they desire to do.  Self-doubt is a confidence issue.  Self-doubt sounds like this: “I don’t think I can do that” or “I’m not good enough to achieve that” or “I’m not smart enough” or “Maybe I’m not the right one for the job” or “I don’t deserve to be here.”  Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying these things?  If you have, you’re not alone.  For many of you who are doing well, self-doubt comes in the form of the imposter syndrome. The imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internationalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud.”  This self-doubt thing isn’t just for young people.  It isn’t just for people who we deem unsuccessful.  The amazing Michelle Obama recently did an interview expressing that she has felt like an imposter at times.  So, this just goes to show you that self-doubt can truly happen to anyone.  But I want you to try your best to quit it.  How do you do that you may ask?  Well, if you are having negative thoughts you have to work to change those thoughts.  So instead of saying “I don’t think I can do that” change the thought to “I can do that if I put the work in.”  Instead of thinking “I’m not good enough to achieve that” say “I can do anything that I put my time and effort into.”  Instead of saying “I don’t deserve to be here” say “I have worked hard to be at this point, and I deserve to be here”.  Change the narrative.  Replace self-doubt with self-confidence.  Doing this takes practice.  If necessary, write these truthful and positive thoughts down and say them to yourself every day or whenever you need to hear them.  No more doubting yourself, your decisions, and your capabilities.  It’s time to quit self-doubt.

Quit Putting Yourself Last

Ladies, especially my mommas out there, we are notorious for doing this.  Everything else in the world is more important than our needs.  And I get it, society has made many women believe that they have to be superwoman and save everyone, and rescue everyone, and wear this cape of excellence that requires them to always be on the lookout for the needs of others.  But the problem comes when you never take the cape off to save yourself.  You are not required to be superwoman!  Doing it all and being everything doesn’t make you great, it makes you tired! Running ourselves into the ground is what we think we are supposed to do.  But I need you to quit it because, if you don’t take care of yourself you are no good to anyone else.  Now, that way of thinking sounds scary to many because it sounds selfish.  The thought of doing something for yourself makes many people feel guilty because of this notion that if I’m taking care of me, I must be neglecting everyone else.  Not so!  If you get on an airplane the flight attendant is going to do a demonstration on what to do if the cabin loses pressure.  He or she is going to say put your air mask on first before helping anyone else!  Did you hear that?  You have to help yourself first before you can help anyone else or both of you will suffer.  Quit putting yourself last.  And this tip isn’t just for moms.  It is for anyone who struggles with setting boundaries and saying no.  If you struggle with this then you are more than likely always putting yourself last because of the anxiety of telling other’s no.  It’s not healthy.  Putting yourself first looks like taking some time for yourself, being honest about how you feel and what you want, it’s speaking up for yourself, it’s getting rest when you need it, it’s whatever you are not doing that you are afraid to do.  You have to quit this because if you don’t it will only lead to burnout and fatigue.  So quite putting yourself last.

Quit Being Afraid

Some of you don’t know what it feels like to be free from fear.  Every decision you make is driven by fear and you don’t even know it.  That was me for many years.  I was raised by very cautious parents and that leads to being worried and afraid a lot.  S,o when it was time for me to do something, everything that could go wrong came to my mind first.  That would fuel my choices and it led to me living a limited and anxious life.  If you really want to do all the things that you dream about every day, you have to quit being best buds with fear.  How do you know if you’re best friends with fear?  Well, if you begin most of your statements with “what if”, fear might be your bestie.  If you think about things over and over and over before deciding to do it, fear might be your bestie.  If you take the safe path and talk yourself out of doing something different, fear might be your bestie.  And if you find yourself discouraging others to do something different, then fear is probably your bestie.  It is time to quit this friendship.  There is a quote from the movie After Earth with Will Smith and Jaden Smith (the movie didn’t get good reviews, but I actually like it).  In the movie, Will tells Jaden that “fear is not real.  It is a product of our imaginations.  The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts about the future-causing us to suffer things that do not at the present and may not ever exist.  That is near insanity.  Now do not get me wrong, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”  Read that again and let that sink in.  Fear is all in your mind.  You have control over it.  There are things that we do every day that we could fear like driving in a car, but we choose not to be afraid of that.  This is what you must realize about life.  If there is something you want to do, remind yourself of what is real and run with that, not your imagination.  Quit being afraid to try and fail.  Quit being afraid to take a different path from everyone else.  Quit being afraid to do something hard.  Quit being afraid to be different from your family and friends.  Quit being afraid to say no.  Quit being afraid to say yes.  Quit being afraid to ask for help.  Quit being afraid to quit things that are unhealthy for you.  Quit letting fear boss you around. 

Quit Comparing

I don’t think there will ever be a time that I don’t need to talk about comparison.  I know this conversation is necessary because I continue to have work with people where there is self-doubt, low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety that stem from comparison.  The problem is that we don’t know how to see other people without comparing ourselves to them.  We haven’t figured out how to do that yet.  When we see someone who is similar to us it’s like we must compare ourselves, and most of the times we find someone who is doing what we think is better than us.  Listen, I have yet to find a time when comparison is helpful.  Just quit it.  Most of the time when we think we are doing a good job comparing ourselves to someone else we are missing so many important details that makes our comparison flawed.  I’ve done it.  I have compared myself to others without knowing some very important facts and it has caused me to consider quitting (and not in a good way).  So instead of quitting your dream, how about quit comparing.  If you don’t know how to look at others and be happy for them without comparing, stop looking.  Or you can, constantly remind yourself of the truth, which is that you are on your own road, doing your own work, and that should be your focus.  So please!  Quit comparing.

Quit Playing Games        

Life is too short to be playing around, especially if you’re not a child.  Quit playing games and go for it!  There are things that you should be doing that you aren’t.  There are plans that you should be making that you aren’t making.  There are goals that you should be working toward that you’ve stopped for whatever reason.  Quit it.  Remember your why (the reason you started) and get back to it.  If your why is the impact, or your legacy, or your kids, or the money, whatever it is, focus on it and start working toward your goals and dreams.  Playtime is over.  Stop playing with your physical health, stop playing with your mental health, stop playing in your relationships, stop playing with your career goals, stop playing with your financial goals, stop playing with your dreams.  Let’s get serious here! Quit the self-doubt. Quit putting yourself last. Quit being afraid. Quit comparing. Quit playing games.  You only have one life.  Let’s spend it doing what we love with the people we love.  It’s time to quit everything else that isn’t helpful.

LaShawnda McLaurin is a licensed clinical mental health counselor offering counseling and coaching services to women, exclusively online. She specialized in anxiety counseling, anxiety, fear, and worry coaching, trauma, and relationship issues. To learn more about LaShawnda’s services click here.