Mental Do's & Don'ts During the COVID19 Pandemic
Panic
Currently, my children are out of school, the grocery stores look like a war zone, and I’m just trying to make the best of this situation. Everywhere I look whether it’s on the news or social media, everything is about this virus…and with good reason. This is a serious matter. I’m not here to downplay the severity of the situation, but I am here to help you see that even during serious situations, you can maintain your composure. In fact, it’s so necessary that you keep your composure during this time. I can’t stress that enough. If you don’t, it makes this already tough situation even tougher. And I don’t want that mental struggle life for you. I want you to get through this with not just your physical health intact, but also your mental health.
Before I get to those dos and don’ts I want to define a few things for you. Many of you are feeling all the feels, but don’t quite know how to describe it or know how to define it. I want to define a few emotions for you so that you’re better able to express yourself.
Your Feelings Explained
Let’s start with the baseline and that is fear. Many of you are running off of fear right not. Fear is the virus and this fear leads to worry, anxiety, and even panic which I’m going to define for you in a moment. Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.” The words that stick out in that definition are unpleasant emotion and the word belief. Fear is based on what you think about situations. Currently, most people’s beliefs cause them to have an unpleasant emotion of fear. This fear leads to worry.
Worry is level 1. Worry is defined as “allowing one's mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.” Does this sound familiar? Have you been doing this lately? Sitting for minutes, hours, and days just dwelling on how bad things are or how scary things are. You’re just sitting in the rocking chair stewing in your emotional worry, not going anywhere, just on the wheel of worry. Then we go to level 2, anxiety.
Now anxiety is worry on steroids and while worrying is dwelling on your fear, anxiety goes to work in the mind and the rest of your body. This is when you have trouble sleeping, you can’t focus on your thoughts, your heart rate is high, you feel tired from your mind running non-stop. If you’ve found yourself lying in bed at night excessively worrying if you got too close to the person in line at the grocery store, you may be dealing with anxiety. If this virus is ALL you’ve been able to focus on, no matter how hard you try, you may be dealing with anxiety. But let’s take this thing a step further. Level 3 is PANIC.
Panic is fear, worry and anxiety rolled up into one big uncontrollable ball. Panic is what you see when people are frantically going through the stores behaving irrationally buying hoard of things they may not need. Panic causes you to believe the absolute worse and make decisions based on that belief.
Which level are you on currently? Be honest with yourself. Regardless of what level you’re currently on, you can choose to take things down a few notches and reach our emotional goals which are being controlled and calm. This is where we want to be.
Do’s & Don’ts
So now, let’s talk about the mental do’s and don’ts that you should be aware of right now.
Don’t Feed Your Fear
Like I mentioned earlier fear is the root and some of yall have been feeding your fear breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks in between. Watching the news 24/7 feeds the fear. Reading EVERY article, real or fake, is feeding the fear. Being on social media all day is feeding the fear. You have to limit yourself. You have to protect yourself. Be informed by reputable sources and only know what YOU NEED to know. You don’t need to know about every single case that the media talks about. Why? How is knowing that going to help you right now? It’s not, it’s just more info to feed your fear. Give yourself a set amount of time online to gather the info you need about your area and your loved ones’ area and then walk away. Put it down. Stop feeding the fear.
Don’t Spread Your Anxiety
It has been scientifically proven that anxiety is contagious. It spreads. Every time you share a scary news article on Facebook, you’re spreading the anxiety. Every time you tell someone about what you “heard” you’re spreading the anxiety. Be apart of stopping this cycle. Don’t be apart of the problem. If you’re worried or anxious, spend time working on reversing that anxiety instead of finding more people to be worried with you. Yall know the old saying that misery loves company, well so does anxiety. Don’t spend your time trying to find people to validate your anxious feelings by making them anxious. I especially want to talk to the parents out there. Children, more than anyone else, pick up on anxiety. They can feel it. It is your duty as a parent not to just keep your kids safe but to help them feel safe. There is no reason that any child should be worried or anxious about this virus. They shouldn’t even know there is a pandemic going on right now. Do your kids a favor and instead of spreading anxiety, spread calm. If this is a struggle for you, maybe spend some time not talking about the topic until you are in a place where you can do so without spreading the anxiety.
Don’t Panic!
Never in history has panicking been helpful. Panic normally causes people to respond in ways they wouldn’t normally respond. Panicking takes you out of control. If you’ve ever had a panic attack then you know that you feel like your body has a mind of its own. It’s hard to breathe, you feel dizzy, you can’t talk straight, you’re sweating, and all of this stuff is happening and you don’t feel like you have any control over it. I don’t want you intentionally behaving this way in society right now. It helps no one. It only causes problems.
Now here are my Do’s that will help you not go to the extreme and panic.
Focus on What You Can Control
Yall, this is a big one! Yes, there is a lot that we can’t control right now, but there are a lot of things that you can control, and I think many of us are forgetting that! There are a lot of things that you can do. Focus on that. Focus on making the best of being at home with your family. I have been having a ball with my kids at home. I can’t control what’s going on in the world, but I can control what happens in my house. Focus on controlling your mood. Focus on controlling how you spend your time. If you’re at home now and you’re kind of twiddling your thumbs, now is the time to work on that thing you’ve been dreaming of but didn’t have the time to do it. This could be the time for you to focus on some great things. But it’s all up to you. Remember you have control.
Be Hopeful
You have to believe that this will pass. You have to remain hopeful that all will be well. Without hope, what’s the purpose of trying? Focus on that hope and try to spread that. It’s important that you speak positively, that you say things that describe what you hope to see happen. Now is not the time to be a “Debby Downer”. Make sure you are speaking the right things. Keep your eyes and God and keep your hope in him. Hope is needed. Please, do remain hopeful.
Be Helpful
In times like this, it is very easy to become self-centered and think that everything is about us. But believe it or not, there are people out there who may be having a tougher time than you. If you are healthy, that’s enough to be thankful for. If you have everything you need, your family is safe, you can stay home with your kids, be thankful. Then take things a step forward and be helpful. Not everyone’s situation is good right now. See how you can help them out. Take your healthy self and go shopping for someone elderly. See how you can help your neighbor whos kids are out of school, but they still have to work. Give a few rolls of toilet paper to someone who didn’t get to get any. Pay for a child’s meal. Be helpful. Don’t let fear trick you into thinking that in order to protect yourself you can’t help others. There are plenty of safe ways to help others. Just put some effort into it. This also takes the focus off you, your anxieties, and worries and put it onto doing something good.
Be Rational
It’s important now more than ever that you do things that make sense. Make choices that are smart. Use that common sense that we wish everyone had. You have got to be rational. If you are rational, you will remain calm, you’ll be in control, and you may even be able to relax in the midst of the situation. Being rational requires you to analyze your thoughts and make sense of them. It requires you to think before you act. It requires you to rise above all the craziness and foolishness out there. Use your logic. Being rational means you don’t believe everything you see or hear. You use good judgement. You help others do the same thing. If you need help with this I’ve created a free worksheet that you can get by clicking here. I also recommend doing things like journaling, meditating, or even using an app like the Calm app to help clear your mind. It is essential that you use your mind to help you, not to hurt you and others.
So those are my dos and don’ts. Please apply them! Write them down, share them, share this blog. Let’s promote control and calm during this time filled with fear and anxiety. We can inspire others. Let’s lead by example and show people how to navigate tough times with composure and grace. Let’s work together to make things better.
LaShawnda McLaurin is a licensed clinical mental health counselor offering counseling and coaching services to women, exclusively online. She specialized in anxiety counseling, anxiety, fear, and worry coaching, trauma, and relationship issues. To learn more about LaShawnda’s services click here.